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Jan. 12th, 2011 @ 08:49 pm House Husband
It's kind of sad that I post here more than my own journal.

Anyway, have you guys heard of the concept of house husbands? basically it's when the male stays home to clean and take care of the kids while the female makes the money. I am in love with this concept as taking care of others is just in my nature! It wouldn't take much for me to wake up earlier, iron my baby's clothes, make breakfast, pack a lunch and then kiss her cheek and slap her on the butt as she on her way out. Afterwards I'd put on a french maid uniform and have way move fun cleaning house than anyone should. Being home all the time would also give me time to pursue creative hobbies like writing, drawing and possibly making videogames. I consider that a very sweet deal.

However, part of me fears what could happen. Being financially dependent on another is a scary aspect as the most you can do is sit down with them and budget things out. It's up to them to keep the money rolling in. I also feel that those whom take care of the household are often taken for granted. When things go right, they're not thanked for it but when things go wrong, they're not forgiven. Such a position may even be harder on a guy because people foolishly think beig a "domestic goddess" is easier than every other job out there when realistically it involves knowledge in cooking, cleaning, psychology, financing, scheduling, pest control, medicine and a few minors in plumbing, botany and carpentry. And if that's not enough, I've heard of horror stories where guys have mastered this vocation but the women they're with divorce them because they no longer seem manly.

What do you guys think?
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Indigoth 01
indigoth:
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From:pink_pet
Date:January 13th, 2011 02:23 am (UTC)
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Not to add to your list of negatives for being a house husband, but . . .

A friend of mine was a stay at home dad when his kids were little. His wife was in graduate school at the time.

While he and his wife were fine with the set up, he found it to be very lonely. There were a lot of at home mom's in the neighborhood, but either they or their husbands were uncomfortable with them hanging out with a man in the afternoons.

Seems like society is often a factor in our dreams.
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From:indigoth
Date:January 13th, 2011 10:02 am (UTC)
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Yes, I have heard about that as well. I've actually encountered this situation to some degree and it took a while to get them to understand that I'm not going to chase after every skirt I see.
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From:entropicdude
Date:January 13th, 2011 02:41 am (UTC)
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Interestingly, my (cis-gendered, non-crossdressing) father was a house husband. He would stay at home and cook/clean/fix stuff that broke (he got to be quite the handyman) and welcome me and my brother back from school, while my mum went off to work. I don't think it's a concept related too heavily with crossdressing (although that does make it ten times the fun!)

I've just (last week!) found myself in the same situation, too, houseboyfriending with my girlfriend. It totally, totally sucks, being financially dependant, and I'm feeling pretty guilty over that, so I'd add that (feeling guilty) to your list of negatives. It does work out well for the 'house' tho - we don't have kids, but it's super-useful to have someone who does the housework/fixes stuff/etc as opposed to us both working.
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From:indigoth
Date:January 13th, 2011 10:13 am (UTC)
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The reason I would want a job I can do from home is to take care of some of the boredom and have my own spending money so that may be something you want to look into. You don't have to make enough to cover every bill or even one bill. Just having some cash in reserve in case life hits you unexpectedly does a lot to alleviate guilt.
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From:cykotyks
Date:January 13th, 2011 05:03 am (UTC)
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The way I see it, if you have good communication with your partner, you can probably work something out that will satisfy both of you.

Take my partner and I. My partner isn't really a social guy - he prefers to stay home. I'm cool with this. I'm okay with being the breadwinner and having him take care of the house and our pets. He's happy with that deal, too, except that he feels like it's not enough, so he wants to get a part-time job, at least, just to help. It's his choice. We don't have children to factor into the equation, though, so we have a bit more wiggle room with it all.

But really, what makes it work for us is that he trusts me to have and keep a steady, well-paying job, and I trust him to help out around the house. We're both eager to please and we've made it clear that simple praise or gratitude is enough of a reward, so we do it often (I thank him for washing the dishes, he thanks me for making him a sandwich, etc...). It's all about the communication.

There are ways to make it work, and if you and your partner are both happy with the arrangement, then there should be many problems. The problems crop up when people stop communicating or being truthful. As long as you've got that, you can catch issues before they become divorce papers.

This isn't really a gendered issue, though - housewives and househusbands can face the same sort of problems with their choices. Just because housewives are more common than househusbands doesn't mean that they don't have the same fears and misgivings about the whole deal. But the bottom line is that if you can make it work and you're happy with it, there's no reason why you shouldn't go for it. It's not nearly as taboo nowadays.
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From:snaggs15
Date:January 13th, 2011 04:21 pm (UTC)
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I would love to be a househusband/stay at home dad. Im more of a family/home person than a worker anyways
From:mb2u
Date:January 13th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
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I became a house husband after I lost my job, and have kept at it since. I've been available to take care of things around the house, get the boy through high school and onto community college, cared for my mom when she's had surgeries, etc. We could afford my not working because we'd arraigned our finances years ago so that if one of us was not working we'd be okay.

The downside is that I'm now less likely to find a job in my career field because I have been away for a while and will probably have to go back to school to retrain. And emotionally, it's been hard to be at home without what most people would consider a career. My proclivities towards depression weren't helped, either.

But I think it's a viable option is you really want it.